1 ɂ voice

[mattersverymuch]

[ There's the tapping of fingers, the click of a tongue, and a long silence before anything's actually said. When the marquis speaks, he sounds hoarse, as well as almost cheerful. Spoilers: he's not really. ]

Naïveté is catching these days, I notice. Whose idea was this? I have places to be.

Comments

[mattersverymuch]

Explain.

[buywithme]

This is the Barge, if you come here without knowing why, that means that you've died, and that you... misspent your life. Usually it means that you were a bad person, or that you made some really terrible mistakes, but what it always means is that some force in the universe believes that you need a second chance, and that you need to change profoundly in order to be restored to life.

This is where you have to spend the time working towards that change. You will be assigned to a warden, who will attempt to guide you through this process and help you to understand where you went wrong, eventually leading to graduation.

When you graduate you can go anywhere you want in space and time, so even if you spend months or years here, you won't miss your scheduled appointments.

[mattersverymuch]

Thorough, and yet completely absurd.

[buywithme]

I find thoroughness is very important when faced by absurdity.

[mattersverymuch]

Thoroughness is very important in general.

[buywithme]

I like to think so.

You seem quite calm about this, if you don't mind me saying so, Comrade.

[mattersverymuch]

You can say what you like. I've certainly been in stranger situations, although I can't at this moment think of any quite so pointless.

[buywithme]

Most people are more vocally offended by the prospect of being trapped here indefinitely, than they are by the pointless of it.

The necessity of it can be more obvious for some than for others. Quite a lot of people arrive here and immediately begin trying to murder everyone else on board.

[mattersverymuch]

Then you agree that it's pointless.

What a stupid thing to do. Not to mention messy.

[buywithme]

I don't think it's entirely one way or the other. For some people, being here just doesn't work at all, but for a lot of people it does. It's just not usually the first thing people take issue with.

I agree. Which is why the kind of people who think that's a good life decision definitely require guidance...

[mattersverymuch]

I see. People are upset at the separation. How sweet.

In manners, at least. Impulse control is helpful in mixed company.

[buywithme]

I think they object to being in prison without a trial as well, but... yes, a lot of it's being separated from their lives back home.

And Comrade, if you really think that etiquette is the biggest problem with murdering strangers, then I think I see why you're here.

[private]

[mattersverymuch]

There are worse prisons; trials are called trials for a reason. [ People are so soft, honestly. ]

I am entirely weary of people incapable of recognizing sarcasm.

[private]

[buywithme]

I wouldn't know. We didn't have prisons at all, where I come from.

Sorry. It would not be unheard of for someone here to hold those views, though. It tends to be wise not to assume that people are joking when they say things like that.

[private]

[mattersverymuch]

What did you have instead? Anarchy? [ Not opposed to this in any way, of course. ]

It's a common problem, then. Do you have names?

[private]

[buywithme]

Processing facilities. And furnaces. [And the exact opposite of anarchy...]

For the murderers? Well, three people who arrived quite recently went on killing sprees before introducing themselves. One was Willow, who has red hair and is really very polite from what I can tell. Another one is Ladd Russo, who is also good humored, Comrade, and seems to have a very positive attitude in general.

The third one is called The Comedian. I don't think he's got a very good attitude, personally.

[private]

[mattersverymuch]

Ah. I see. [ Well, that's interesting in its own way, too, of course. ]

[ And aw, Willow. ] In what way does the . . . Comedian not have a good attitude? [ There's just a touch of laughter in his voice, now. ] And are there less recent examples that are also relevant?

[private]

[buywithme]

It wasn't a very good place, in retrospect. [Did Prefect mention that he used to be an inmate? No? Well whoops.]

I understand that certain people come here with the urge to kill people, and that is unfortunate, but those people do not have to make post after post going on about how funny it is and talking about... Nazi's and things, and expecting anyone to be intimidated.

Comrade, there've been a lot. There was someone called the Joker who used to be here, he... he did some things, and Arthas Menethil, who has the very long blonde hair? He doesn't murder people anymore, but I think he has one of the highest kill counts of anyone who's ever been on board. Amanda, who's a warden now, used to be extremely creative in how she murdered people, but she tended to need a reason to do it. She did a lot of planning and didn't target people at random... Comrade, I could really go on all day.

[private]

[mattersverymuch]

I see. [ Well, it won't do to seem too curious, and this is enough information to go on for now, so . . . ] It seems you've been here some time, then?

[private]

[buywithme]

At the beginning of next month it'll have been four years in total, Comrade.

[Pause]

If I was actually aging here, I would be thirty one soon.

[Not that you asked, it just occurred to him that he's spent four years now thinking of himself as a 27 year old.]

[private]

[mattersverymuch]

[ . . . Well, that's discouraging. He has no desire to be here for four years. Or any years. He's got places to be! People to manipulate! And, for the record, your woes are not his concern. But it wouldn't do to alienate a good source of information too much. ]

[ Another reason to hate starting over. ]

Is such a length of time common?

[private]

[buywithme]

Not common, no, but not unheard of either. Some people come and go in a matter of months, but I think more are probably here for over a year. Some... longer still.


[If Prefect could read The Marquis' thoughts he would be very defensive of how interesting his woes are, but alas it is not to be.]